Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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