did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I need to sanitize my soul.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
