"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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