Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
