he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
