The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He shit in the fireplace
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
