I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she woke up with a sticky ear
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
