Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's blow job season.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
