Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Randomize
