Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?