she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
