I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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