My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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