If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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