Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
