WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i permit you to call me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
