all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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