Only a mothe r could love this liver
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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