i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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