I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
