remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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