First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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