Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize