Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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