So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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