youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
