She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
