The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
try to milk me bitch
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