Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
