Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
