i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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