I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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