matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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