I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize