A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
