I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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