I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
