better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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