And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
