My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
