Someone shit on the floor
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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