come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize