I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
