If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
