so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
