I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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