she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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