I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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