Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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