A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
