we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
