I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
