I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
