Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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