After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
