I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
