I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
