oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
