I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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