I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
