I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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