this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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