i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
