I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
