I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
