just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
