2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
