We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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