that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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