How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
