I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
