I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
