if i can run in heels then i can drive
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
