why do cheetos always look like penises
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
