I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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