Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
