the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
