be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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