Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
