i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
