A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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